"Way Out There with only some Gold Bond Powder to Spare"

cottage cheese
rice
cinnamon
gold fish
gold bond powder
make-up remover
burritos
lemi-shine
graham crackers
mydol

"Don't forget the gold bond powder at the store," Rick said as I walked out the door.

I rolled my eyes. I had just bought him gold bond powder two weeks ago. What was he using it on? I had to ask myself as the vein in my forehead began to throb. It was time to grab my shopping list for cottage cheese, cinnamon and apples and run over to Smith's.

Before I forgot, I grabbed my pen out of my purse, leaned over to the counter and penciled gold bond on the bottom of my list. It wouldn't be the first time I had walked into the store and bought fruit instead of my list requiring a second trip to the store.

I drove over. There were no spaces. I ended up in the Blockbuster parking lot. I had to walk a half a mile just to get to the store.

I spotted a golden-haired, glittery-skinned women at my first stop, the fruit department. How weird.

"Do you know where the rice is?" she asked me tiredly then shot me with a liquid shot of mydol, at least that's what it said on the shot. It knocked me out but not before my head fell and crushed the graham crackers I'd dropped on the floor right before I started going down.

When I woke up I was surrounded by perfect, shiny people in a large room with what looked like Peppermill Farms Goldfish crackers that kept swimming around on the walls.

They offered me a burrito. "We found these at your store. Would you like one?" They asked curiously.

I rolled over and shuddered in horror. It was still frozen.

What I wouldn't give for make-up remover and another shot of Mydol right now. Their shininess was starting to bore into my brain like a lead weight. A little bit of lemi-shine might help, maybe?

I grabbed the buy closes to me and started rubbing his hand. He smiled and grabbed my hand in return and began to rub it the same way. I was rubbing his. He was still shiny. Good heavens. I needed sunglasses stat.

"She isn't very shiny. What's wrong with these people? If we can't get them to shine very soon we will have to destroy their planet."

"Double the gold bond bond powder Rick has been feeding her," The man holding my hand said. "We want to make sure they don't glow. If they don't we can have their planet."

"If you don't let me go, I will destroy your ship." I said.

I spit out the gold bond they were feeding me, added some make-up remover and lemi-shine, placed it by the fuel cells. Lit the fuse and blew the ship up.

I escaped in a pod, went back home, and strangled my Rick with gold bond powder.

Since I couldn't go anywhere after I strangled Rick I wrote a poem:

The gold fish swam lazily back and forth
in the lemi-shine and water in my sink.
It hadn't eaten the cottage cheese and borscht
that was floating on top and at at the brink
of it's tank. I removed it, swallowed a Midol,
sponged out make-up remover and began to scrub.
I sprinkled gold bond powder to dry it,
then wiped it all off, rinsed it and poured it in the tub.
I put the gold fish back in clean and shiny water
and boiled up rice and microwaved a burrito
crushed up some graham crackers, some apples,
some cinnamon, and microwaved halibut so
you could eat, and I could clean the mess
that you left outside the tank.
I powdered your lips and bandaged
your wound and into your big water you sank.